how lotr gives you unrealistic expectations for life

  1. How can PEOPLE WHO ARE THREE FOOT TALL WALK ACROSS A WHOLE CONTINENT AND THEIR WORST DAMN PROBLEM IS A GOLD RING ON A FREAKIN NECKLACE NO YOUR BACKs AND FEET WOULD BE BROKEN AND YOU’D BE A MESS, I CAN’T EVEN WALK UP A HILL WITHOUT HAVING A BREAK DOWN. unrealistic walking ability
  2. Fireworks will never become dragons and fly over your party no matter how hard you wish
  3. No one will ever be able blow smoke rings like dem hobbits
  4. Elves.
  5. why am I not an elf
  6. like their hair man
  7. no
  8. Gandalf’s beard is just ultimate goals, even for me
  9. How do the hobbits never get corns or bunions or cuts or broken bones ON THEIR BARE FEET
  10. I wanna glow like Galadriel when I walk into a room
  11. How tiny are baby dwarves
  12. Everyone’s cloak always has the most perfect hood, when I wear my hood up I either can’t see or it is so tight I look like I’m being born, I don’t understand how they ALL get the optimum hood level
  13. Unrealistic ability to carry everything you need for travelling for months in one small backpack. Teach me your ways and make my life easier and my travels less cumbersome
  14. Why do none of the elves have their ears pierced theres so much pierceable room
  15. If Sam walked all that way, why is he still chubby at the end of the trilogy?
  16. Beards.

2 thoughts on “how lotr gives you unrealistic expectations for life

  1. 17. Expectations of Men. LOTR: Here’s an Aragorn and a Boromir and a Faramir, oh what’s that? You want them in REAL LIFE? Hahaha, no.
    18. Elveeeessss (I think this deserves mentioning once more. I spend a good part of my life wondering why I was not a born an Elf from LOTR who gets to spend eternity with Legolas)
    19. Lembas bread. One bite and it sustains you for daaayyyyssss.
    20. Second breakfast. If a hobbit does it, it’s part of their daily life. If I do it, it’s “didn’t you JUST eat? Why are you eating so much?”
    21. ENTS. Idk about you, but I think this Earth would be a much better place if we had Ents walking around and “accidentally-on-purpose” stomping all those politicians who insist that money is more important that protecting the environment. Just saying.

    Liked by 1 person

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