Some people are very particular about certain things. I am one of these magical people. We get called anally retentive, ‘OCD’ (I’m not saying I have OCD, and I am not using it as an adjective because that’s not what you do with mental health conditions gah and it really bugs me but hey I’ve just given myself an idea for a new blog post, stay tuned).
Back to topic. I am going to share with you a few things that drive me CRAZY and please comment below with some of your pet peeves because I would like to know I am not alone in weirdness.
- I CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT go to sleep if my sheets are crumpled/wonky or misaligned. Feel my wrath if you ruin them. I sleep with a quilt with a duvet on top and then another blanket on that. These must be aligned to a precision akin to the NASA planning of the lunar landing and if you mess up my calculations I will only realise when I go to sleep and its too late to recalculate so I JUST WON’T SLEEP. It is a problem but I can’t help it.
- I have never worn my socks the correct way round. I can’t stand the seams. I ALWAYS wear my socks inside out. If I have a pair of socks that have an amusing pattern on, for example little cakes or an Eiffel Tower or two? Well. Welcome to the new world of abstract art because all you will see is a scrambles mess of thread that may SLIGHTLY hint at the French monument, or you know, a fork or something….it’s hard to tell. I have been this way forever and I am issuing a formal apology to my mother who has probably spent thousands of pounds buying me socks that I just couldn’t deal with. Sorry Mammy…on the plus side it wasn’t just a phase….(?)
- Light switches. Ya’know, the little clicky bits that turn the plug socket on or off?? I have spent years turning them off so the little red bits don’t show. EVERY time I have been told that “It doesn’t waste electricity you know, there’s nothing in the socket, you’re just wasting your time”. UM NO I AM NOT STRANGE PERSON TALKING TO ME, I MUST HAVE THEM OFF FOR MY SANITY leave now before I turn red on yo ass (poor plug pun meaning I will beat them up. I won’t but it’s more dramatic if I say that……in reality I just nod and awkwardly laugh at them and then walk away)
- If you have a wooden floor and there is dirt or little pieces of crap on it then I will not be able to function. Hey yeah sure, I’ll probably pretend to be fine with it but inside I am having a minor breakdown. Hoovers are the worst things in the world because they don’t go round corners and they trip me up and are Satan’s spawn and suck up scarves when I don’t want them to (I will soon tell you about my time as a Chambermaid…..this will explain all of these issues) BUT hooverING is my fav thing because everything is all shiny and clean and I’d hoover every day if it didn’t make me hot and bothered.
- If I can hear you eating, you do not have long to live. That is all I have to say on the matter.
- When I accidentally touch a hand rail of an escalator or stairs or something, no, I die inside. And if you’ve touched it I will remember and avoid you..
- My name. It isn’t hard. My first name is not Morris because I’m not a middle-aged man. SOPE-r is pronounced SOPE- R…not Sopper or Sopher or Sofa or any concoction you can create. Olivia Morris-Soper. And if you call me Oliver I will deck you.
- When you wash your hair and it was a work out because its knotty and messy but you FINALLY manage to rinse without your arms breaking off despite the muscle cramps… and then you dry off and are all ready for bed but then you start to dry your hair AND YOU HAVEN’T WASHED OUT ALL THE SHAMPOO AND SUDDENLY YOU HAIR FEELS LIKE TORTURE AND PAIN AND its awful but you’re too tired to go and re-rinse because that’s SO much more effort so you just deal with the greasiness even though its clean. Goddamn it hair. You had one job.
- Okay so you know that thing in movies when the guy tucks the girl’s hair behind her ear and everyone things its adorable and romantic bla bla bla, well no. Hair behind my ears is like a teeny little Satan sitting on the side of my face. Don’t try and be a movie dude/gal, my hair stays everywhere and that’s where I like it.
- When people stand on flowers without realising they’re crushing them/ or they do realise and don’t care…or standing on bugs or worms or anything alive really. Just look at the floor, avoid those daffodils, step over that lil worm friend…..pleasey
No doubt there are countless other things that drive me crazy but they’re for another time, for now, I ACCEPT YOUR WEIRDNESSES AND YOU SHOULD EMBRACE THEM
Over and out