So it’s that time of year again where fledgling adults spread their wings and flutter off to university for the first time. Returning second years shed the hovel of halls and embark on a new life in a house with their friends. Final year students are making the most of their final freedom before dissertations take over their lives.

And then there are the FOOLS that have decided thay even though they’ve graduated university, they actually want to do it all over again. I am one of these such fools and it is only now I have realised I deserve the title.

Oh I’m excited to more learning and stuff because I’m the nerd you all know and love, don’t worry that hasn’t changed. My inability to do any work early also hasn’t changed so hello procrastination station, your old pal is back. BUT WHEN YOU DO A MASTERS THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS NO ONE TELLS YOU (and I haven’t even bloody started yet).

I’ve just realised I have to make new friends. I don’t know anyone in Cambridge so I have to start from scratch UGH. I have a lot of friends and it took me agesssss to put them through the rigorous selection process and now I’m gonna have to add new people? I’m sorry but that means I’m gonna have to kill some of the old ones, I can’t be dealin with too many peoples all up in my face or small talkin with dem bitchez.

Second problem, I have to move into somewhere new AGAIN and do the kind of halls thing but for post grads so it should be a bit less grimey but who the hell knows. That means I have to deal with fridge sharing and cupboard sharing with strangers and getting all possessive over my cathedral city block and teaspoons. Screw everyone because I’m having a kettle in my room because I need hotwaterbottles asap and having to walk up and down stairs is just ludicrous and I refuse. I also am gonna try and go super minimalist because moving out is already making me dread life but I know I’ll buy 7 new jackets as soon as I move in so who am I kidding.

Other issues? EVERYTHING IS SO DISORGANISED unorganised? Disorganised? Idk my braincells have lost organisation. Gone are the undergrad days where youre told everything way in advance….I got my accommodation before I was finally officially confirmedas going to the uni. I have no idea what modules I’ll be able to take until term week starts and I should be in lectures and even then I have to roam around and try and find these strange new humans in charge of my life now and theyll advise me which subject to focus on (even though they don’t know me umm ok). Then I gotta do Masters level work?! I have no idea what that entails and if I can because I’VE NOT DONE IT BEFORE but no one is helping me so I hope they didn’t expect me to do any reading over summer because I’ve just played video games.

Then there comes the moneys. Its so much of the moneys to study, just for a year!? I JUST WANT TO LEARN, WHY WILL IT COST ME AN ARM AND MAYBE MY SPLEEN TOO?! it’s cruel. Back in’t day people aged 21 ish wanted things like a nice house, a good husband/wife to spend their lives with, a car, a nice holiday and a good job. Now? I would like to not be in £50k worth OF DEBT please and thank you that is all, maybe also to be able to pay to eat food and not be homeless or live with my mother until I’m 36 but all of these things are very possible. OUR GENERATION GETS SCREWED OVER SO BADLY. When I start my post grad study, I will already be basically £30k in debt, friendless, lost in a new city and ready to pay more money for some very minimal teaching and a lot of damn personal study. JOYOUS.

So for everyone going back to uni in the next couple of weeks lemme give you some tips

1st years: be prepared to small talk a hell of a lot with people you’ll probably hate but sometimes you’ll love them

2nd years: make the most of this year because its like being in year 9 where you feel cool but don’t have gcse burdens

3rd years: do stuff for your dissertation early on in the term so you can have fun the whole time rather than doing it all last minute but also be aware youre going to 100% leave it all to the last minute who are we kidding. 

Masters: you guys are mental why are we doing this but also its nice because if i dont make friends i literally dont care because I’m gonna be so fussy because I CAN. Also be aware youve forgotten everything ever learned.

PhDs: tell me where you got the money for this and who you had to bribe because I need this next year 

Non university goers: i hope you find a job you want because actually youre gonna earn money while we’re all spending it so hats off to you I think you’re clever
More universittittity updates and blog posts as I adjust to settling into masters life and undoubted discover a crazy world of magic and hell


PEACE OUT

O

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