So there are always articles detailing “classic” behaviour or styles of a specific subject or student. Well archaeology is never listed I’m going to give you a potted guide to spotting the elusive archaeologist because its an essential part of your education ….

An archaeologist:

  1. Is often mistaken for an architect because the words are a bit the same
  2. Is mostly assumed to work with dinosaurs even though we arent palaeontologists
  3. Favours a solid footwear.  Usually a Dr Marten based item because theyre stylish, durable and sturdy in case you gotta quickly jump in a trench. Also often seen in outdoor trainers or thick leather boots in case of fieldwalking requirements but also because thats just their style nowadays.
  4. Lab-based archaeologists usually just look like slightly weird scientists, usually with more unruly hair, more cord necklaces and a lot of hemp bracelets.
  5. The female archaeologist species usually demonstrate a wide array of ear/ facial piercings. This proves their “edgy” subject status among other academics. Also often have unusual coloured hair or braids. Likely to be wearing green or blue eyeliner and some earrings with stone hanging from them.
  6. Male archaeologist species can usually be found in corduroy trousers of a muted but fun colour such as mustard or olive, mis-matched with a woollen jumper with a shirt underneath (collar tucked into the jumper of course). Mostly bearded. Always a tiny tiny bit scruffy because the pursuit of knowledge is better than ironing clothes.
  7. Often wear tweed on fancy occasions (male and female) but still wear many rings and many jewellerys
  8. May not look physically strong enough to be in the trenches but they’re strong of mind and heart and soul.. they just wait until the big strong archaeologists among them remove the top layers of ground before beginning to trowel
  9. Carry books and research notes in old beaten up leather satchels or backpacks
  10. If number 9 is witnessed it is likely their notebooks will also be leather bound and beaten up, possibly rain smudged or crumpled
  11. Can get very excited about what looks like an old rock but is actually something way cooler like an old rock someone has hit with another rock to make the rock a slightly different rock shape but it is still very old and still a rock
  12. Will know everything about Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings and their.. historical accuracy
  13. Likely will play medieval roleplaying video games (specifically Skyrim if they have excellent taste)
  14. Will wear (or at least own) a pair or three of fingerless gloves
  15. Knows that thay bump in the ground over there is a bronze age barrow but the bump in the ground to your right is actually just a tiny hill
  16. May occassionally remind you that migration issues aren’t a 21st century thing, that we’re all distantly related to each other so its all kinda incest and we’re not as advanced as we think we are because old timey civilisations managed to domesticate animals and make massive temples without electricity etc. but us modern folk can barely cope if our phone runs out of battery
  17. Will definitely be comfortable sitting on any floor surface for lunch or for a chat, all is fine. Dirt is nothing to an archaeologist. 
  18. May smirk when you try and say absolutely anything about anything historical because youre probably wrong but we may not even tell you why we might just leave you to suffer your idiocy because we have a cruel sense of humour (possibly to dealing with lots of very dead people all the time)
  19. Often travel alone but can be seen foraging for books or food with other slightly hippy creatures 
  20. Likes the smell of old books more than the smell of freshly cut grass
  21. Can occassionally be really dumb about modern politics or pop culture because they’re more  interested in ancient technology and material culture
  22. Definitely wonders how you even made it through evolution after you said something incompetent like ‘evolution is just a theory’
  23. Sometimes wonders if old stones and bits of pot have feelings too but remember thats just nonesensical object agency thinking 
  24. Might know a lot about Irish oak pollen or old Asian wool or ancient poop or slightly burnt tiny bits of rice from the Levant or something else really really random
  25. Will definitely be cooler and more interesting than anyone else you’re gonna meet in life.

(Obviously, written by an archaeologist)
Peace out

O x

One thought on “How to spot an archaeologist

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