Or do you know one?! Let me give you a few pointers on what to look out for in case you know one or you are one… take this “quiz” and see…

1.Do you think the world revolves around you in every aspect of your life?? For example…if someone says “omg I have the worst flu right now” do you say “yeah well when I was 16 I had three fevers at once and almost died”…..because that’s not relevant. All you should say is genuinely “you poor thing, do you need me to get you anything?!

ANSWER: YES / ONLY SOMETIMES ON A BAD DAY / NEVER / NO BUT MY FRIEND DOES

2. I shall add a caveat… if you’re having a conversation and your friend says “I just went to Paris and it was so amazing”…and then you say “omg yes I went to Paris when I was younger, I totally can relate” (so now they know you’re aware of the intimate workings of Parisian life and they can now continue their conversation in further depth because they know you’re sympathetic and excited about their story”…

3. Do you cause unnecessary drama? either because you’re bored or because you haven’t had the attention on you for the last 5 minutes? Do you become a diva when you’re at a party and just act up because you can?

ANSWER: YES / ONLY SOMETIMES ON A BAD DAY / NEVER / NO BUT MY FRIEND DOES

4. Do you feel like you’re in a film 24/7? Like you could turn to your left and have a deep dialogue with an invisible camera? That you can be dramatic and over emotional just because you feel like there’s sad music playing and Morgan Freeman is talking about what a rough upbringing you had…..

ANSWER: YES / ONLY SOMETIMES ON A BAD DAY / NEVER / NO BUT MY FRIEND DOES

5. Are you jealous of your friends if they’re successful? It could be in an aspect of their lives that you have absolutely no interest in but you’re annoyed people are congratulating them and not you? OR WORSE they could be successful in the exact field you want to be successful in (be it a profession, university, relationships, fashion etc) and your insides turn to acid because you hate everything in the world because why is it happening to them and not you? When really…they worked their bums off to get where they were and you sat about watching Netflix for two years and can’t understand why no one handed you success on a plate.

ANSWER: YES / ONLY SOMETIMES ON A BAD DAY / NEVER / NO BUT MY FRIEND DOES

6. Do you feel the world owes you? Do you feel your life is unfair and you should be compensated? When really, you’re experiencing mild first world problems and have no sense of perspective. This is okay in small doses because everyone occasionally wants to cry until you run out of tears because you dropped your last chocolate bar on the floor and its too fuzzy and dirty to save and you already had a bad day because someone shouted at you and now the world is over. That’s allowed. It’s just not allowed 24/7.

ANSWER: YES / ONLY SOMETIMES ON A BAD DAY / NEVER / NO BUT MY FRIEND DOES

7. Being a pessimist is fine. I am a pessimist. It just means I expect the worst case scenario and if that happens I can be smug because I was correct and if anything else happens it’s unexpectedly happy and great. That’s fine. But being a NEGATIVE person is totally different. If you shit on everything and everyone you’re not being a pessimist, you’re just a dick. Know the difference.

ANSWER: YES / ONLY SOMETIMES ON A BAD DAY / NEVER / NO BUT MY FRIEND DOES

8.  Do you get annoyed when you don’t get the credit you deserve? (That’s normal.) Do you also get annoyed when you don’t get credit for things that really don’t warrant any credit being given? E.G. you put your plate in the dishwasher/ you organised a trip to the pub (that would have happened organically anyway/ just for being alive and in peoples’ lives

ANSWER: YES / ONLY SOMETIMES ON A BAD DAY / NEVER / NO BUT MY FRIEND DOES

9. Do you brand yourself as a bigshot? as a ‘legend’? as a ‘top lad’ or female equivalent that I can’t work out the name for but you know exactly the type I mean? Do you actively give yourself a label like “the king/ the queen of the world” or “leader” or “most important person” in a non-ironic way?

ANSWER: YES / ONLY SOMETIMES ON A BAD DAY / NEVER / NO BUT MY FRIEND DOES

10. Finally…. is your sole purpose each day to maintain a façade that you don’t even really feel is your true self? If yes, is this façade aimed at belittling other people or bigging yourself up so you inflate your ego and you expect others to do the same? Do you pretend to make friends but really you pull a Mean Girls on them and compliment their bracelet just to mock them later? Are you mean to new potential friends so they don’t get close enough to ruin your “hierarchy”? Are you mean sometimes to people?

ANSWER: YES / ONLY SOMETIMES ON A BAD DAY / NEVER / NO BUT MY FRIEND DOES

 

If you answered mostly YES then I’m sorry to say you’re an egotist.

If you answered completely NEVER then you’re either a nice person or you’re kidding yourself either a lot or only a little bit. A few of those out of 10 is manageable because everyone has the right to be confident about their lives and themselves. It’s just when those couple of occasions become ALL THE TIME that you stop being confident and start just bringing people down to raise yourself higher on your ego trip and you’re just mean then.

If you strongly answered NO BUT MY FRIEND DOES to a lot of these then your friend is an egotist. How to remedy this? Call them out on their bullshit and don’t let them think they can get away with acting that way. If they feel people will let them, they’ll stomp all over everyone. If they don’t listen, distance yourself a bit. Maybe they’ll realise your friendship is more important than fuelling their ego. If that fails and you just can’t deal with the negativity and lack of motivation to be a nice person then just scarper….you won’t be sad to have that outta your life and they’ll probably be too far up their own backside to realise it was them that pushed you away. We can just pray one day they mature and realise.

If you answered ONLY SOMETIMES ON A BAD DAY then that’s totally fine, we all have bad days and act in ways we aren’t proud of. Maybe you shouted at someone of maybe you just cried all day because your friend is prettier than you and more successful than you (but they’re probably not, you’re just lacking in confidence and they have their own insecurities and are just hiding them so you think they’re perfect etc.)

This is not a personal dig at anyone, I’ve just been people watching netflix and people watching in cafes and stuff and thinking about people in this world and realised there’s so much negativity from so many people and a lot of the time its the people who are lacking in confidence, or self-worth, or motivation that are the biggest egotists. By putting others down, they feel better about themselves but that’s like a drug because it wears off very quickly and you need more. Then you get stuck in your own power trip. Really, people just need to open their eyes to the beauty of the world, acknowledge that a lot of people have to deal with a lot of shit and that’s just the way life goes…some more than others, and you just have to get on with your life regardless. Be grateful for the good in your life….be it friends, family, partners, pets, jobs, talent, enjoyment, hobbies etc. Focus on those things and don’t let your shortcomings eat you up inside. No one’s perfect, we are all flawed but you don’t have to let them overcome you. Find ways around them and find paths to a future you want to live. It’s tricky and takes a lot of failure and rethinking of plans but if you’re motivated and keep going, you’ll get to the end goal: happiness.

 

Ew I got too cringey I’ve gotta stop.

Positive vibes everyone.

Wipe your feet and leave your egos at the door.

Peace out

O.

 

 

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