first time in a gym ever

first time in a gym ever

So last night I went to a gym for the first time in my life. I figured since the college gym is free, why not make the most of it right? I have never EVER been in a gym…I used to go swimming sometimes and bypass the scary gym bit but I stopped doing that when it got too hard to swim without glasses on, therefore without ploughing into a poor unsuspecting front crawler. So my experience of gyms? Non existent. BUT THAT ALL CHANGED!

I always thought gyms were terrifying places filled with giant man beasts and a dozen wannabe-Kardashians. I am very much neither of those. I am a little 5″3 mouse who can’t really lift a heavy jam jar let alone weights that are the same size as my torso.

I’ve struggled a lot with fitness over the last few years and never knew why. I used to be sporty as hell, captain of the netball team, always playing rounders, could sprint and did swimming and stuff…..I used to be fit and pretty strong but then my body literally turned to human goo only held together by a thin layer of pale skin. It turns out that my losing any ability to be strong or fit had something (aka everything) to do with being a bloody coeliac. I was malnourished so obviously my body wasn’t going to waste the precious little it could digest by trying to bulk up, it was using it all to keep my organs functioning and you know, keeping me alive. With my underactive thyroid, when untreated, I literally had to nap twice a day….so exercise wasn’t high on my priorities. BUT NOW I know all this crap and have my thyroid tablets in me and am not eating gluten so maybe, I say to myself, just maybe it’s time to start trying to get FIT.

So I went to the gym. With my new personal trainer (well really phd in astronomy but hey) we took to the ‘cardio room’. I did half an hour of spinning (on a bike obviously, everyone knows that but I thought spinning classes were hula hooping or something idk) and then we went onto weights. Among my host of other issues, I have serrrrrrrious flexibility issues… I’m TOO flexible. I overextend and overuse wrong muscles basically every minute of every day, so I was really worried I was going to dislocate something or snap in half. This flexibility means naturally my wrists, elbows etc are all super weak because they flop all over the place. It clearly means I need to work the muscles on them but its also hard because I can’t put any weight on them. Tough in a weights room right? Well. We went round ALL the equipment to try it all and see how much it killed me. Doing leg presses and crunches I found pretty easy because it was working big thick bits of my body. Squatting was also okay (and by okay I mean horrific but no chance of breaking). Instead, for bench pressing I had to literally just bench the BAR without weights on it and for squatting with the bar (yes these all have technical names but how am I supposed to know) I couldn’t even lift the first bar and had to get a little one. For kettle bell lifts I had to use a heavy ball because I couldn’t even hold the damn thing let alone bloody lift it and for all the other equipment I just had the lowest weight possible. Being short meant I also had to adapt to certain things like having to put my knees up on the bench because they didn’t hang over the side like most people.

These are all the reasons I never wanted to go to a gym. I’m incredibly weak and small and clueless. But you know what? I BLOODY DID IT! (with massive help and shoutouts and love to my new PT) I realised I do not give a flying fudge about the giant men in there lifting double the weight of my entire body. I don’t care about any kardashians lookin perfect and knowing what to do and being all toned and fancy. I am only there to try and get my body into a mode where it can actually do stuff. I don’t think anyone else in there was a malnourished coeliac with an underactive thyroid and extreme hypermobility? In which case, suck on THAT because I actually managed to do stuff! However weak or ‘pointless’ what I did may have seemed to pro gymmers, it made me wake up a little stiff this morning but without any injuries or serious pain. That meant I did what my body could handle. I’m never gonna deadlift 100kg or pull myself up to a bar but I WILL go to the gym again and improve my overall fitness and strengthen some muscles that will help my posture and enable me to open my own glass jars.

It’s funny how you can build something up in your head and make it seem like the worst thing in the world….but when you do it, it’s totally fine. I was way fitter than I thought after cardio and doing core stuff and I also managed to do weights, however small, which I’ve never ever done before. I impressed myself and proved to myself you can legit do anything, as long as you listen to your body and know your limits.

SO for anyone who is terrified of the gym, take it from one of the biggest wimps out there….it ain’t so bad! Just make sure you go with a nice pal who supports you and gets you’re weak and shy and crap at most things. Then it can even be, dare I say it, fun.


Peace out


animals and little ways to love them more

animals and little ways to love them more

So there we were, minding our own humany business when it hit me….life would be hellish without animals. And do you know why this hit me even more than usual? Because this..

I almost sobbed out loud like a teething baby because I hand fed SQUIRRELS IN A PARK. Now, I know most folks love animals but I can’t overstate how intense my love is. I cry at videos of ducklings and chicks because I wanna cuddle them so bad. Pictures of scruffy puppies make my heart ache so severely I could be hospitalised. The sheer joy I feel when I am with a goat or near a red panda is beyond any high from any drug imaginable (I think). Being near pigeons even makes me uncontrollably giggly because they’re just harmless little walking tummies with lil feathery fluffs. Here is an example of the sheer joy on my face while feeding these squirrels and some funny little geese ducks. These photographs are unposed, merely me looking at my boyfriend (who was filming) with incandescent happiness. 

So, back to these animals. Yes so London squirrels are undoubtedly cheeky wee buggers with a nose for grub and a will of steel and they will approach you. They’ll take little oaty snacks from your tentatively outstretched hand and nibble at it in front of you. They’ll come back for more. You’ll cry because they’re cute and you’ll give them all your food and your money and clothes and whatever they want because their tails are made of clouds and tiny noses are made for loving. This is all obvious of course but days later I am still so happy that this happened. I was barely this buzzy after getting into uni. Animals are just way better than everything else in life.

Now I know sleep and food and cupcakes are all pretty damn great. Getting a good result on an exam, helping a stranger, finding a kickass jacket for like minus twenty quid….all fun fab things that make your heart a bit glowy. But nothing shines as bright as animal related happiness. Its the Arkenstone of our life called Erebor but it doesn’t make you crazy for gold and wealth… just for fuzzy fluffy pals.

Lemme get to my point. All over the world there are people and there are animals. Has been for totally ages (trust me I’m an archaeologist and “totally ages” is a cambridge-approved technical term). We’ve been their masters, their captors, their killers, their breeders, their friends and their lovers (okay wait I just mean ‘animal lovers’ not beastiality etc.) They keep us warm in our hearts and in our homes, give us food and drinks and stuff (now imagining a lil cat butler but I actually meant like milk from an udder) and give us transport. They give us life and we give them life. They also give us some grief like if you’re scared of spiders and one falls on your face or you get eaten by an Australian snake the size of a semi-detached house in Croydon….but overall its us that gives them the most grief. BUT WHY when they give us so much joy?

Cases of animal abuse are just too much to even comprehend. I will never understand how sick and twisted people can be. We slaughter millions of animals. We kill them on roads, squish them when they fly near us just because they’re a bit annoying (tho I’d happily do that to annoying people like people who eat loudly omg but not animals). We kick dogs that bark and leave cats out in the snow in winter. We need to care a bit more please.

This isn’t a post about being vegan or anything. Hell I tried to go veggie but found myself starving trying to be that and gluten free. We’ve eaten animals since we domesticated them in the Neolithic Revolution about 12000 years ago… its literally in our evolutionary DNA (sad I know but don’t shout at me please that’s not the point of this post). My point is little things. We can do so many little things to make animals’ lives better. Buy birdseed and put it in your garden when its cold so the birds can feed on seed when the berries are dead. Go a bit slower on the country roads at dusk to avoid that deer that may run out. Use cruelty free makeup and toiletries its just as good as the stuff that hurts bunnies eyes. Catch that spider in a glass and put it outside, don’t squash it (big spiders have the capability to feel pain, so don’t be a dick because you’re scared. The big garden spiders only run straight ahead when you scare them so put something in front of them and theyll just run into it). Buy meat from local producers or farms you know treat the animals good. Give your pet a little treat but not human food as it makes them sick and fat. Drive a bit slower and give the horse rider a wide berth on the road so you don’t scare the horse. Don’t chase the pigeons away for no reason. Don’t shoot rats in your garden because its fun…..they may be “vermin” but so are thousands of bastard humans and you’re not out shooting them are you. All rats do is look for food. They don’t have plague and they don’t actively try and bite you to give you a disease so shutup. Don’t train your dog to chase cats or other dogs just to be a big man and have an “aggressive” dog. Its not aggressive deep down, you’ve just trained it that way to compensate for your small lacking trouser department. 

Little things that can make animals have happier live. Because they make us so happy, why don’t we try and make theirs a little easier.
Peace and love

O x

My animal ^

hidden truths about coeliac disease

hidden truths about coeliac disease

So I’ve had to start eating gluten again ready for my biopsy (I have to poison myself just so it’s on my record forever that gluten is poisonous to me…mhm great system). Anyway it’s reminded me of some things that are symptoms of coeliac disease that I forgot were connected to it…. I’m gonna list a couple here so those of you who think all coeliacs need to do is eat a bit less bread… (fyi gluten includes wheat, rye and barley…it’s everywhere from vinegars and soy sauce to fruit squash to some chocolate)

  1. tired all the time….like seriously tired. I guess it makes total sense considering basically all the nutrients you’re getting from food is being nuclear bombed by the little spaceships from your body attacking the little asteroids of gluten that have entered the galaxy called your gut. It’s hard to not become wholly malnourished when this little outer-space battle is going on… so it’s not surprising you get tired
  2. mouth ulcers oh my god my entire mouth is broken and split and stinging and sore and bleeding, UM OW eating hurts in every single way, from the mouth til the tum
  3. skin rashes?! so gross and random but my back, my elbows, my knuckles (!?!?!) and my face is just broken and sore and red and itchy and grotesque, I am repulsive and it isn’t my fault
  4. OBVIOUSLY the constant stomach noises. I have had these since I was 15 and my fellow pals called the frog that lived in my throat ‘Bert’ because he was such a loud guy and a constant companion. Now it’s more of a baby dinosaur but hey, we all gotta grow up don’t we. And hiccups. And stomach gurgles. Those too.
  5. Loss of appetite… its unsurprising considering everything youre eating is making you sick anyway so your body just says its done and forgets that you need to eat. The other day I only ate two rich tea biscuits and a cheesestring before I was going to go to bed and realised I was gonna DIE if this continued because lets be real, cheesestrings are sadly not the source of abundant nutrients we all dreamed they were. Plastic and biscuit cannot sustain a human, I have tried and ended up in hospital oops
  6.  It’s not like being on a diet where if you eat gluten one day, you can just skimp a bit the next day…. no no no. (current situation eating gluten aside) If you use a knife to cut some cake or bread and then use that knife on my gluten-free shitty bread, I will throw up. Maybe for a couple of days after if numerous gluteny crumbs get into my system. I have to even make my boyfriend drink and swill water after he’s eaten gluteny food before he is allowed to kiss me. It’s that sensitive. So going to cafes where they say “yeah this is GF” when actually its been sat all cosy with a cake and all the crumbs are all shared and crap…..then it’s not gluten free, i’ll still chunder.
  7. Fainting! Or just super light headedness all the time. So I’ve low blood pressure anyway as well as an underactive thyroid (hahahaha I’m broken yep I know don’t judge me, humour gets me through) so I’m a woozy chicken anyway BUT while eating gluten it makes you worse. I’ve had to start having cold showers because I keep almost keeling over mid shower and an unconscious hideously naked me is not a sight anyone would want to witness, thus cold showers stop this happening but also ARE AWFUL
  8. Going out for food is a chore, even with pals. You have to be the annoying one to say where to go because you have to know they have a good GF menu etc or you just don’t go. Takeaways are nearly impossible unless its chips or you just get plain boiled rice and live off the smell of everyone elses food. BORE, I’m sorry we’re killjoys but it’s not our fault.
  9. I’m trying to make my list up to a happy rounded 10 but I’m bored of moaning about coeliac so here’s a nice lil point number 9 to break things up. Did you know sea horse couples mate for life and hold tails when they travel
  10. There ain’t no tablets you can take, no cures in existence (yet I hope) and nothing you can do for this bloody life-long disease, other than try your damnedest to avoid gluten like it’s the plague. If you just cba to try and you eat normally, you’ll cut your life by numerous years, may not be able to have kids and will get other stuff like diabetes or maybe plague idk I’m not gonna go down that route so haven’t investigated it enough.

So there are some of the things us coeliacs, or as I like to call us, celariacs, have to deal with on a daily basis. When we’re totally gluten free we can almost pass as normal human beings, it’s great! Its just super hard to actually put into practice when gluten literally is in the air in some restaurants and cafes (don’t go inside a KFC guys, you could be sick into a happy meal or whatever they serve idk I’ve never been in^^^)

SO if we’re annoying for bailing on plans with you because we got glutened earlier that day and have to spend the evening curled in a ball, please forgive us. If we don’t come along to your favourite restaurant for dinner or ask to change venus, please don’t be annoyed. If we go to your house and accidentally eat a poison crumb and throw up, it wasn’t your cooking that did it, it was gluten so please don’t be offended. If we suddenly look like we’re pregnant, don’t ask us whats going on….we’re just so bloated we can barely move (OMG THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN MY LIST…..BLOATING LIKE YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE).

I’m not making excuses (but I am really) but forgive us please if you understand the disease a little bit more now


Peace out

O x

HELLO 2017

HELLO 2017

WELCOME TO THE NEW YEAR there has never before been a 2017AD even tho the world is really old but whatever, its a new dawn and a new day and a new life for meeeee and I’m feelin goo0OoOod duh dum duh dum etc

Distracted sorry

As the new year rolls on in, Christmas decorations are taken down and boxed up and all the food and alcohol ingested over the xmas season is written off and officially doesn’t count and isn’t allowed to affect our weight in 2017, we start all over again. Back to work, back to uni, back to school, back to the old freezerino and on with every day life. You kind of expect everything to be different because of the new date but it’s odd how similar these first few days of 2017 are to the end of 2016. Funny how things work aint it.

So, time for new years resolutions? Gonna stop smoking? Go to the gym more? Eat healthier? Watch less tv? Or something else like travel to a country youve never been before? Spend more time with family? All excellently generic examples that you are free to use without any copywrite issues as they’re older than 25 and in the public domain. Mine will be to reread the Harry Potter books because I miss reading for pleasure (bloody uni) and I have good taste. 

But its easy to get bogged down with the idea of “new year, new me” but its so much pressure man. I’m cool with the current me, I cannot be bothered to reinvent myself EVERY year. Nah. I’ll dye my hair a new bright colour and be done with it. Instead I’m going to focus on making this year the happiest yet because thats a great goal for every year….just to be as happy as you can. That doesn’t mean I can skip work because it’d make me happier (if only) but it means I’ll adapt (not change) my outlook on negative situations and try and make things good or positive or a thing to learn from and move on. Lingering on negative vibes is so 2015 like don’t even bother. 

2016 had lots of shitty bits but for me it was the best year in a lot of years….maybe the best so far. Why? Because I made sure I had that point of view. Yeah crap happens and you can still cry and curl in a ball and embrace the crap but the difference is you get yourself ‘upandattem’ quicker than you would if you wallowed in your self pity. Why actively try and make your life shitter? Telling yourself you feel awful or hate something or its the end of the world is just gonna make you more unhappy and not solve anything. Sure, things are unfair and everyone needs a bit of sympathy but don’t live off it. Know that it’s crap, turn that crap into something you can use e.g. daub to make walls idk, get yourself out of the crap (unless youve now made your house out of it…in which case embrace that nice warm wind blocking crap) and move on. If you yourself know youve done a really cool thing, and your closest loved ones (ones you actually care about their opinion) and let that be it. There’s nothing worse than someone that wont let something go or constantly shoves something negative down your throat… in the words of the ancient norse philosopher “let it go, let it go”.

So *ding ding* all aboard the maiden voyage of the SS2017 and make sure you leave your baggage at the dockside because you’ll only need positivity, your loved ones and a bit of hope to make the ride a success.

Over and out lil sailors

And happy new year
O x

joys of the solstice and the year

joys of the solstice and the year

Everyone is gearing up for Christmas but really the true midwinter event was the Winter Solstice yesterday. The origin of all our traditions, pagans really nailed the whole winter celebration thing. Decorated trees, yule logs, giving presents…..yeah it started at Yule my pretty people, not Jesus (what lambs are born in December, I ask you). The solstice is where its AYAAAT

So what do I find so magical about a day overshadowed by Christmas? Its a day where you wake up hideously early to drive near to Stonehenge to try and battle to park and then wait for a bus that doesn’t take you the whole way because you gotta walk the last 40 minutes to really make it a struggle, all trying to get there before an 8am sunrise……



Welcoming the sunrise

When else can you touch the ancient stones with a group of other people who appreciate it as much as you do? Where else can you watch the sunrise splitting through the huge stones the same way it has on this day for thousands of years? What else would you rather be doing on the morning of the 21st of December other than watching the Druids greet the return of the light, the drummers leading a dance, people in flower garlands and velvet cloaks wishing you well?……its a morning of (as corny as it sounds) peace and joy for everyone involved. 

Happy hippies

The rest of the day I spent with a smile on my face, chatting to people in shops, holding doors open for others, smiling at passers by in the street because I was in no rush to hurry through my life. It’s easy to get caught up in the rat race and scurry about in a foul mood, impatience guiding your every step rather than feeling calm and genuinely happy. I think everyone needs a moment, whether it be a pagan celebration or a walk along a beach or a bike ride through the hills…just to reconnect. Just to remind us that there’s a bigger world out there full of peace and love and happiness and its not all just Trump and wars and bitterness. (Yes those things exist, major ew, but don’t forget the goodness in the world or your life will become hellish).

2016 has been a rough one for everyone it seems. Everyone we love died and everyone we hate prospered…. but remember the moments of happiness throughout 2016 as the year draws to a close. Don’t get swept up in “thank god its over…new year new me” bla bla bla. Pick out the good bits and it wont seem so bleak. Itll also take the pressure off yourself to make next year amazing, thats too stressful. Just aim to enjoy it as best you can by remembering all the good things that happen instead of the bad.

So this years solstice is over. I had a blast standing on the stones and playing my flute out to a sea of beautifully smiling faces, from pagans to cyclists to tourists. It reminded me to appreciate. Whether they’re big things, small things or in between things ….just to appreciate the good things. 

Saying that, I wish you all the merriest of christmasses and the jolliest of new years and a positive start to 2017 (without pissing over the entirety of 2016)
Peace and love my lil cherubs

and peace out 2016


pretty hopeful dudes…PhD applicants

pretty hopeful dudes…PhD applicants

So for some people, me included hence why I’m writing about this obviously, its already time to apply for PhDs. The same can apply to all yall Masters applicants, the curse is still real.

So it’s Christmas time soon, the holidays are already upon some of us lucky few and due very soon for the rest of us. We have only just started this new year really, only just sunk our baby teeth into this final year or Masters year…..AND BAAAAAAAM ITS ALREADY TIME FOR THE NEXT DAMN THING. I have only just decided what theme I wanna work on for my Masters dissertation but already I’m having to think about three years of my PhD and the biggest project I’ll ever have undertaken. Because of stupid funding deadlines it means that this serious massive thing we have to do is already here and we’ve barely worked out the names of the rest of people in our class but we already need to have the rest of our lives mapped out.

Isn’t it shitty how rushed everything is? Okay I know you can take as many years as you like in between each education stage but for me its always been a means to an end. I want to go into academia so I gotta keep plodding on because otherwise I’ll break for nothing because I haven’t got anything else to do. So, like many of us, we have to make big decisions ASAP. It’s a scary thing…

BUT it’s good! It makes you evaluate everything in your life. The initial stress makes you question whether this is really the path for you. If you find out that it is, then you can go forward with conviction. If not? Well it’s good you found out now rather than 2 years into a PhD. Then as you continue with your application you suddenly have to think about everything you’ve ever enjoyed studying and what you want to take forward.  It makes you more aware of your likes, dislikes, how you learn, how you work best etc…. and those are all good things in life anyways. Then you gotta schmooze your way into potential supervisors’ good books and talk through your vague crappy ideas and try and make them sound coherent and smart and innovative. The blagging skill is never one that should never be underestimated, it has got me through my life to where I am now. Then you start to get better ideas because smart people always help make things make sense. You can then go home and start writing your newly formed better ideas and things get exciting when you start dreaming about potential trips to places you need to research and having a desk and nice new stationary and feeling like you’re in a movie and stuff.

So I don’t know what else happens during a PhD application because I haven’t finished it….but its meant lots of coffee dates with PhD friends and meetings with nice supervisory people and things and it makes you feel grown up and stuff.

There’s no point to this blog post apart from anyone making a PhD application….YOU CAN DO IT and just keep plodding along and by the end of it we’ll all be better people or our brains will melt and we’ll die idk both are options, just pick wisely


I’ve been bad at posting interesting fun blog posts because um Cambridge but one day when this has all calmed down I’ll get back to my hilarious ways and you’ll never even realise I was gone


Peace out babies

11 things you’ll think this week

11 things you’ll think this week

WHY THE *&#% DID I NOT BRING AN UMBRELLA THIS MORNING I have just experienced drowning while walking

  1. I’m so cold my small intestine has got frostbite
  2. I’ve just walked inside and now have heat-stroke because I didn’t take my 13 layers off quick enough and I regret every moment, why did I wear so many clothes
  3. *steps back outside* HOLY JESUS I’ve just walked into an Arctic blizzard WHY DID I TAKE MY GLOVES OFF WHERE DID THEY GO OMG I’m dead
  4. The sunset is stunning, it’s making everything golden this is such a pretty autumn sun oOoOoOoOo I love this time of year
  5. *sun sets* oh wait no yeah it’s winter because its pitch black and 4pm and now I’m miserable
  6. *it hits 8pm*…..this feels like 3am, my body clock is malfunctioning to a severe level someone fix me
  7. I just stepped in a puddle and now my shins are wet because it was that bloody deep
  8. There is a man over there still wearing shorts..
  10. It’s still over a month til Christmas, what is time anymore idek